hardest thing<\/a> of all is to believe that \u201cI am a good person.\u201d We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically \u2013 but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!<\/p>\nWe end up not feeling like a good person in a number of ways. For example, I once knew a little girl who\u2019d been displaced by her baby brother and fended off and scolded by her mother who was worn down and busy caring for an infant. This girl was angry at her brother and parents, plus lost and disheartened and feeling cast out and unloved. She\u2019d been watching cartoons in which the soldiers of an evil queen attacked innocent villagers, and one day she said sadly, \u201cMommy, I feel like a bad soldier.\u201d<\/p>\n
Later in life \u2013 whether in school or adulthood \u2013 shamings, moral indictments, religious chastising, and other criticisms come in many shapes and sizes. Feeling morally compromised \u2013 the essence of not believing you\u2019re a good person \u2013 is fed by related though different experiences of worthlessness, inadequacy, and unlovableness: as my ranch-born father would say, \u201cfeeling like you\u2019re the runt of the litter.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve also known people \u2013 including myself \u2013 who have done bad things, or said them or thought them. Things like hitting an animal, risking the lives of their children while driving buzzed, being mean to a vulnerable person, stealing from a store, feeling contemptuous, or cheating on a partner. These don\u2019t need to be felony offenses to make one feel guilty or ashamed.<\/p>\n
In effect, to simplify, it\u2019s as if the psyche has three parts to it: one part says, \u201cyou\u2019re not good\u201d; another part says, \u201cyou\u2019re good\u201d; and a third part \u2013 the one we identify with \u2013 listens. The problem is that the critical, dismissive, shaming voice is usually much louder than the protecting, encouraging, valuing one.<\/p>\n
Sure, there is a place for healthy remorse. But shining through our lapses of integrity, no matter how great, is an underlying and pervading goodness. Yes it may be obscured; I am not letting myself or others \u2013 from panhandlers to CEOs and Presidents \u2013 off the moral hook. But deep down, all intentions are positive, even if they are expressed problematic ways. When we are not disturbed by pain or loss or fear, the human brain defaults to a basic equilibrium of calm, contentment, and caring. And in ways that feel mysterious, even numinous, you can sense profound benevolence at your core.<\/p>\n
Really, the truth, the fact, is that you are a good person. (Me, too.)<\/p>\n
When you feel deep down like a bad soldier \u2013 or simply not like a good person \u2013 you\u2019re more likely to act this way, to be casually snippy, self-indulgent, selfish, or hurtful. On the other hand, when you feel your own natural goodness, you are more likely to act in good ways. Knowing your own goodness, you\u2019re more able to recognize it in others. Seeing the good in yourself and others, you\u2019re more likely to do what you can to build the good in the world we share together.<\/p>\n
How?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\nI\u2019ve learned five good ways to feel like a good person \u2013 and there are probably more!<\/p>\n
\n- Take in the good of feeling cared about \u2013 When you have a chance to feel seen, listened to, appreciated, liked, valued, or loved: take a dozen seconds or more to savor this experience, letting it fill your mind and body, sinking into it as it sinks into you.<\/li>\n
- Recognize goodness in your acts of thought word and deed\u2013 These include positive intentions, putting the brakes on anger, restraining addictive impulses, extending compassion and helpfulness to others, grit and determination, lovingness, courage, generosity, patience, and a willingness to see and even name the truth whatever it is. You are recognizing facts; create sanctuary in your mind for this recognition, holding at bay other voices, other forces, that would invade and plunder this sanctuary for their own agenda (such as the internalization of people you\u2019ve known who made themselves feel big by making you feel small).<\/li>\n
- Sense the goodness at the core of your being \u2013 This is a fundamental honesty and benevolence. It\u2019s there inside everyone, no matter how obscured. It can feel intimate, impersonal, perhaps sacred. A force, a current, a wellspring in your heart.<\/li>\n
- See the goodness in others \u2013 Recognizing their goodness will help you feel your own. Observe everyday small acts of fairness, kindness, and honorable effort in others. Sense the deeper layers behind the eyes, the inner longings to be decent and loving, to contribute, to help rather than harm.<\/li>\n
- Give over to goodness \u2013 Increasingly let \u201cthe better angels of your nature\u201d be the animating force of your life. In tricky situations or relationships, ask yourself, \u201cBeing a good person, what\u2019s appropriate here?\u201d As you act from this goodness, let the knowing that you are a good person sink in ever more deeply.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Enjoy this beautiful goodness, so real and so true.<\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The Practice: Know you\u2019re a good person. For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that \u201cI am a good person.\u201d We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically \u2013 but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah! We end up not feeling like a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1282,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1425","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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The Practice: <\/em><\/strong>