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Despite high rates of divorce, infidelity and marital dissatisfaction, it\u2019s not all hopeless \u2014 far from it, in fact. A 2012 study<\/a> of couples who had been married for a decade, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science<\/em>, found that 40 percent of them said they were \u201cvery intensely in love.\u201d The same study found that among couples who were married 30 years or more, 40 percent of women and 35 percent of men said they were very intensely in love.<\/p>\n But don\u2019t be convinced solely by what these couples reported \u2014 research in neuroscience has also proven that intense romantic love can last a lifetime.<\/p>\n A 2011 study published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience<\/em><\/a> looked the brain regions activated in individuals in long-term romantic partnerships (who had been married an average of 21 years), and compared them with individuals who had recently fallen in love. The results revealed similar brain activity in both groups, with high activity in the reward and motivation centers of the brain, predominantly in the high-dopamine ventral tegmental area (VTA). The findings suggest that couples can not only love each for long periods of time \u2014 they can stay in love <\/em>with each other.<\/p>\n Sustaining romantic love over the course of many years, then, has a positive function in the brain, which understands and continues to pursue romantic love as a behavior that reaps cognitive rewards, according to positive psychology researcher Adoree Durayappah.<\/p>\n \u201cThe key to understanding how to sustain long-term romantic love is to understand it a bit scientifically,\u201d Durayappah wrote in Psychology Today<\/a>. \u201cOur brains view long-term passionate love as a goal-directed behavior to attain rewards. Rewards can include the reduction of anxiety and stress, feelings of security, a state of calmness, and a union with another.\u201d<\/p>\n They maintain a sense of \u201clove blindness.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n When we first fall in love with someone, we tend to worship the ground they walk on and see them as the most attractive, smartest and accomplished person in the room. And while we might eventually take our partner off of this pedestal after months and years of being together, maintaining a sense of \u201clove blindness\u201d is actually critical to long-lasting passionate love.<\/p>\n A University of Geneva review of nearly 500 studies on compatibility<\/a> couldn\u2019t pinpoint any combination of two personality traits in a relationship that predicted long-term romantic love \u2014 except for one. One\u2019s ability to idealize and maintain positive illusions about their partner \u2014 seeing them as good-looking, intelligent, funny and caring, or generally as a \u201ccatch\u201d \u2014 remained happy with each other on nearly all measures over time.<\/p>\n They\u2019re always trying new things together. <\/strong><\/p>\n Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love, and successful couples find ways to keep things interesting.<\/p>\n Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who not only experience a strong physical and emotional attraction to one another, but also who enjoy participating in new or challenging \u201cself-expanding\u201d activities together, Psychology Today reported<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u201cNovel and arousing activities are, well, arousing, which people can misattribute as attraction to their partner, reigniting that initial spark,\u201d writes Amie Gordan in the Berkeley Science Review<\/a>.<\/p>\n They avoid neediness by preserving their independence. <\/strong><\/p>\n Neediness is the enemy of long-lasting desire (an important component of romantic love), according to psychologist and Mating in Captivity <\/em>author Esther Perel. In a popular TED Talk<\/a>, Perel asks, \u201cWhy does sexual desire tend to fade over time, even in loving relationships?\u201d<\/p>\n Neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships \u2014 which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability \u2014 damper the erotic spark, Perel explains. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they\u2019re skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I see my partner on their own doing thing in which they are enveloped, I look at this person and I momentarily get a shift of perception,\u201d Perel says<\/a>. \u201c[We] stay open to the mysteries that are standing right next to each other… What is most interesting is that there is no neediness in desire. There is no caretaking in desire.\u201d<\/p>\n So if you\u2019re looking to keep that spark going, give your partner the space to do what they\u2019re good at \u2014 and make sure to take the opportunity to observe them in their element, when they are \u201cradiant and confident,\u201d says Perel.<\/p>\n Their passion for life carries over into their relationship. <\/strong><\/p>\n Psychologists have found that a strong passion for life can help to sustain passion in a life-long romantic relationship. The 2012 Stony Brook University study<\/a> examining personality qualities that predicted long-term passionate love found that individuals who exhibit excitement for all that life has to offer are more likely to find success in their romantic partnerships.<\/p>\n \u201cPeople who approach their daily lives with zest and strong emotion seem to carry these intense feelings over to their love life as well,\u201d Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., wrote in Psychology Today<\/em><\/a>. \u201cIf you want your relationship to have passion, put that emotional energy to work in your hobbies, interests, and even your political activities.\u201d<\/p>\n They see their relationship as a journey together towards self-fulfillment. <\/strong><\/p>\n Whereas individuals used to be more likely to look to marriage for safety and security, the societal standard has shifted such that more men and women enter into marriage looking for self-actualization and personal fulfillment<\/a>. Such a marriage can be more satisfying for both partners, but requires each partner to invest more time and energy into the partnership for it to be successful.<\/p>\n \u201cThe average marriage today is weaker than the average marriage of yore, in terms of both satisfaction and divorce rate, but the best <\/em>marriages today are much stronger, in terms of both satisfaction and personal well-being, than the best marriages of yore,\u201d Eli J. Finkel, a professor of social psychology at Northwestern University wrote in a New York Times op-ed, describing this shift from companionate to self-expressive marriages<\/a>.<\/p>\n Rather than looking to marriage to serve our basic needs for survival and companionship, we\u2019re now seeing marriage as a vehicle for self-fulfillment. This new directive can help to facilitate long-term romantic love, so long as each partner is willing and able to put more of their resources into the relationship.<\/p>\n \u201cAs the expectations of marriage have ascended Maslow\u2019s hierarchy, the potential psychological payoffs have increased,\u201d Finkel noted<\/a>, \u201cbut achieving those results has become more demanding.\u201d<\/p>\n